Bakit mo ba hinahanap ang isang tao? Kasi nawawala.
No. This is not an entry about My Amnesia Girl nor will it be about spontaneous pick-up lines. At the moment, I really can’t tell what this post will be about; I don’t know if it would help but these are the things that are floating ’round my brain – life, love, hope, forever, reality, misery, old people, mashing potatoes and angry birds being the source of all life. Damn, that’s one awkward mix. So yeah, whatever. Brace your necks. Let’s go.
I never thought that someone would ask me these questions – “Who do you see when you look at yourself in the mirror?” and, “Before all that shit happened, who do you see?” Why’d he brought up questions that would make Kuya Boy proud? Because he was trying to help me shed some light on the things that are happening. Blahs and stuff. So I answered him, “I see a fat guy with excessive amounts of facial hair.” and, “I can’t see myself because I’m covered with awesomeness.” respectively. And there it is, like a random freebie that you get when you attend expos, that’s the answer. What’s the answer by the way? Haha! In order to fix shit, you have to find your shit first. At the end of that part of our conversation, he told me, “You have to look for that awesome person. Find out why he is awesome. Be that awesome person again.” On that note, the new search for myself has begun.
There are I-don’t-know-the-exact-number muscles in the face that move when we show off our expressions. An old man told me that he can tell that I’m an angry person as he sees me smiling and how my smile clings and stays there. Because of what he told me, I can tell that he’s really old, imagine telling if one person is angry or not just by seeing that person smile. That skill takes a lot of years to master. Haha! Anyway, as far as I remember, I’ve never been angry. It’s either that or I just can’t tell whether I’m angry or not. Being nice isn’t a problem but being nice without having slightest thought of how to be angry is. I need to learn how to be an angry person; I need to learn fast ’cause the world is a dangerous place filled with stupid people.
Happiness is a choice. Everybody has the right to be happy. If someone tells you that you can’t be happy considering the shit you’re in, you can tell that person to fcuk off. As I’ve said many times before, “I will be a better person.” Yeah. I know I will. While the change for the better is taking place, perhaps I’ll find happiness and hopefully that happiness would reach other people. And yeah, it would be the right kind of happiness, not the one that other people get by bringing shitty misery to other people. I know this paragraph is pretty random but if there are people who think that I can’t or shouldn’t be happy, the following phrases are intended for you, “Fcuk you! I will do my best to do the right thing and be happy. I’ll die happy. IDGAF if you choose to be miserable just don’t drag me along with it.” Yeah. Haha!
Ahanyway. Soon I’d be able to piece myself back together, or wake up, or get tired of being so diffused, or accept reality, or, uhh, well you know the words. It won’t be easy, nobody said it would be, but I’ll get there. I’ll get there. I’ll be my awesome self again. As the cliche’ goes, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (unless you get hit by a freakin’ truck on your way home).” I pray that this would be the real start of the restart. Yeah. That would be really awesome. That’s it. I haven’t felt this normal for the past N months. Keep the faith y’all! *pure, unadulterated, hopeful, happy smile*
P.S. If you’re asking yourselves why and how this major mood swing happened, I’d tell you that I don’t have even the slightest idea. Maybe it’s because of a bitchy old man who likes Freud and mashed potatoes.
P.P.S. If you’re reading this, yes, you. Thank you for everything. I will be better for you. For us. For Kung Fu. I pray that you’d still be there for me when all the shit are flushed away. I love you and I’m still looking forward on spending forever with you.
P.P.P.S. One fact that you should know and embrace – life is not easy. I’ll always be here, there’s no reason for you to worry.